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Blog: When Giving Everything Leaves You Empty
You've spent years giving. To your clients. To your ageing parents. To your relationship. To your children. To everyone who needed something from you. You built a business. You held it together through COVID and GFC’s. You showed up - even when you were running on empty.
And now, somewhere in the middle of all that giving, you've quietly lost yourself.
If that sounds familiar, you're not alone. I work with women like you all the time - strong, capable, deeply caring women who have spent so long being everything to everyone else that they've stopped knowing who they are when nobody needs anything from them.
Did you know that in New Zealand, 61% of workers reported experiencing burnout in 2024 - up from 53% in 2022 ? (Employment Hero Wellness Report, NZ). In the caregiving space- 1 in 5 caregivers is at risk of experiencing burnout. This is characterised by emotional exhaustion, depersonalisation, and reduced personal accomplishment. (ScienceDirect, 2025)
Burnout isn't just tiredness. It's what happens when you've given from an empty cup for too long. Add a chronic illness into the mix, the emotional weight of caregiving, and a marriage that feels more like a distant arrangement than a partnership - and it's no wonder you feel invisible, disconnected, and stuck.
You might be asking yourself: Is this it? Is there more? Who am I now?
These are not dramatic questions. They are the most important questions you could be asking. The fact that you're asking them means something in you is ready.
You’re no doubt aware of disturbing increase in research outlining the impact of prolonged chronic stress on multiple systems in the body- nervous, cardiovascular, immune, and digestive systems. Not to mention the increases in inflammation, disrupted sleep and likelihood of obesity and diabetes. Experts like Dr Gabor Maté, physician (and author of “When the Body Says No”), describes how prolonged emotional stress; particularly in people who suppress their own needs to care for others- show a significant predisposing factor in chronic illnesses, including autoimmune conditions, cancer, and cardiovascular disease. This narrative is echoed in research from the journal SSM – Population Health (Harvard Health, 2023). It outlined that people with high cumulative stress loads (allostatic load) had significantly elevated risk of dying from cancer – and alarmingly -this is independent of other lifestyle factors.
So, in the face of this mounting evidence and how you are genuinely feeling?…..
Can you ask yourself ……”When am I going to prioritise my own health- not as a to-do item, but as a non-negotiable act of genuine self-respect? “
So as prioritising yourself isn't selfish- and it is in fact - an act of self-love.
Conversely; on the flip-side- can you ask yourself………
”What would I call the continuation of not prioritising myself? Is this a form of self-abandonment or a form of self-abuse?” You decide.
We have ONE body and mind for the duration of our time on Earth- and these keep score of your daily choices. And, ultimately, you can make better choices for yourself. And that’s where coaching can help you re-prioritise yourself without guilt.
Together, we work to gently untangle the layers of who you've had to be, and reconnect you with who you actually are - your thinking styles, your values, your desires, your sense of self.
Using a variety of coaching analysis tools including the research-based Meta Dynamics™ Profiling Tool, Critical Alignment model, Values Elicitation through to Inner Child; we identify where you lost yourself, what patterns kept you stuck, and what a truly fulfilling life could look like for you in this next chapter.
This isn't about overhauling your life overnight. It's about small, meaningful shifts that create lasting change, and having someone in your corner who genuinely understands what it feels like to carry this much.
"Nobody tells you how much of yourself you quietly lose in gaining those lived experiences. I know — because I've been there too." — Nina Baxter, Big Day Coach
You've spent long enough putting yourself last. This could be the season you finally come home to yourself.
Ready to take the first step? It all starts with a conversation. Click the link below to book a free 45 minute compatibility call at www.bigdaycoach.co.nz
Blog: You Built Something Real. So Why Does It Feel Like It's Not Enough?
Twenty-plus years of hard work. A business that pays the bills. A team that depends on you. A reputation you earned the hard way.
And yet- late at night, you catch yourself wondering if this is as good as it gets. The drive that once fired you up feels more like obligation. The family dinners you keep missing. The dreams you put on hold while the business took over.
You're not ungrateful. You're exhausted- in a way that an early night won't fix. Somewhere along the way, the business became your entire identity - and that identity is starting to feel like a trap.
Nobody talks about this enough. The successful business owner who on the surface has everything, but in the background they still feel like something fundamental is missing.
For many business owners in their 50s, the plateau isn't just financial. It's emotional. The things that used to motivate you no longer do. Many professionally competent business owners are running on such high levels of chronic stress, that they've normalised so completely they no longer recognise it as stress. The danger isn't the big breakdown - it's the slow, silent erosion of health, relationships, and clarity that nobody warns you about.And the thought of what comes next - succession, legacy, stepping back, reinvention all feels overwhelming when you haven't had a moment to think straight in years.
You’ve seen the headlines: “In a 2024 NZ survey of 500+ SME owners, improving work/life balance was the #1 goal - cited by 35% of respondents”. (MYOB SME Snapshot, NZ 2024).And “Nearly 88% of entrepreneurs globally report struggling with one or more mental health issues”. (Founder Reports, 2024)
So, is now the time to do a personal stocktake?
Maybe it’s time to ask yourself some tough questions?
If the business continues at this pace — what does my health look like in five years? In ten?
If I don’t make some changes now- what will my closest relationships look like?
By investing to yourself, you are giving yourself the best chance to improve not only yourself, but your interpersonal relationships and your business. This investment isn't a luxury. It's the smartest business (and life) decision you'll ever make.
If you’re ready to make that change; I work with business owners at exactly this crossroads. Together, we use the Critical Alignment Model to get clear on your vision- not just for the business, but for your life. What do you actually want the next 10 years to look like?
We’ll explore what's kept you running on autopilot, where the emotional disconnection crept in, and how to rebuild a business (and a life) that you're genuinely proud of - one that doesn't require you to sacrifice yourself to sustain it.We’ll also look at leadership: how you lead your team, how you're perceived, and what kind of legacy you want to leave. Because the best businesses are built by people who know who they are - not just what they do.
"You're not lazy and you're not done. You've just been running the same programme for too long. It's time for an upgrade." — Nina Baxter, Big Day Coach
The fact that you're asking these questions means the next chapter is ready to begin. Together- let's figure out what it looks like.
Ready to take the first step? Let’s talk. Click the link below and book a free 45-minute compatibility call at www.bigdaycoach.co.nz
Blog: The House Is Quiet. Now What?
The kids are gone. The school runs, the sports pickups, the endless noise that filled your home for two decades — all of it, gone. And in its place: silence.
For many women, this moment arrives with a strange mixture of relief and grief. You're proud. Your children are thriving- living their best lives. But nobody warned you how much of your identity was wrapped up in being their mum.
Now, in the quiet, you're left facing a question you haven't had to answer in years: Who am I - for myself?
You are certainly not alone. Women who have dedicated years to raising a family often find that when the primary role changes, a kind of identity vacuum opens up.According to the American Psychological Association, 25% of women experience significant emotional distress during the empty nest transition. Empty nest syndrome is strongly linked to the absence of alternative roles - the identity gap left when a primary role disappears. (Borland; Lumen Learning Lifespan Development) . Extending this period of upheaval, this transition frequently coincides with menopause and other midlife changes, compounding emotional upheaval for women in their 50s.
You might feel a lack of purpose or direction. A nagging sense that you're somehow behind, or boring, or that you missed your chance. The career you left behind feels distant. Your marriage is entering new territory - two people rediscovering who they are to each other, now that the children are no longer the centre of everything.These feelings are not a sign that something is wrong with you. They're a sign that you're at the beginning of something new - and that's exactly where coaching can help- particularly when it comes to emotional regulation.
Research shows some interesting facts around stress levels at this time of life:
•Women aged 50 or younger experience twice the decrease in blood flow to the heart during emotional stress compared to men - making midlife emotional health a critical, not optional, health priority. (AdventHealth / Mental Stress Ischemia Prognosis Study)
•76% of adults report that stress impacts their physical health, with the most common symptoms including fatigue, disrupted sleep, headaches, and anxiety. (American Psychological Association, 2022)
•Dr Gabor Maté's research and clinical work shows that emotional repression ; particularly in women who habitually put others first - is a significant factor in the development of autoimmune disease and other chronic conditions.
So here’s an invitation. Is now the time for you to start saying NO to managing everyone else's emotional world and start tending to your own?
Research in Positive Psychology shows that people who engage with their values and explore new purpose during midlife transitions experience significantly better physical and mental health outcomes in their later years. The quiet isn't empty. It might just be the space you've been waiting for.
Through coaching, we’ll work together to rediscover what genuinely lights you up - not what you're supposed to want, but what you actually want. What makes you feel alive, capable, and connected?
We’ll explore your strengths, your desires, and the version of yourself you'd love to grow into. We also look at your relationship with your partner- how to navigate this new chapter together, with curiosity rather than fear.
This is a season of remarkable possibility. Many of my clients find that the empty nest becomes the beginning of the most fulfilling chapter of their lives — not despite the transition, but because of it.
"You didn't lose yourself. You just set her aside for a while. She's still there — and she has a lot to say." — Nina Baxter, Big Day Coach
You have given so much of yourself to building a family. Now it's your turn.
Ready to take the first step? Ready to take the first step? Let’s talk. Click the link below and book a free 45-minute call at www.bigdaycoach.co.nz
Blog: When the Business You Built Starts to Break You
You built this business from nothing. You know your industry inside out. You've survived tough markets, difficult clients, and moments that would have broken someone less determined.
But something shifted. The market changed. The momentum stalled. And instead of pivoting, you found yourself frozen — procrastinating, avoiding, filling the hours with anything that wasn't the hard conversation you know you need to have with yourself.
The business isn't the only thing under strain. The ripple effects have touched your marriage, your family, your finances. And the longer it goes on, the harder it becomes to admit that you need help.
You are not alone- according to Founder Reports in 2024, nearly 88% of entrepreneurs report struggling with one or more mental health issues — including anxiety, burnout, and loss of focus. Whilst in the UK, 4 in 10 small business owners attribute poor mental health directly to financial worries (Small Business Commissioner UK / Mental Health UK).
Often, what looks like laziness or avoidance from the outside is almost never that simple. According to a 2024 article in SUCCESS magazine, burnout frequently manifests as procrastination and disengagement not just fatigue. It is the body and mind's way of shutting down under unmanageable pressure. Procrastination is usually fear in disguise- fear of failure, fear of getting it wrong again, fear that maybe the old strategies just don't work anymore and you don't know how to build new ones.
When you've built your identity around being someone who figures things out, admitting you're stuck feels like admitting defeat. So, you stay busy with the wrong things, hoping the right things will somehow sort themselves out.
They won't - not on their own. And that's not a reflection of your worth or your capability. It's simply where you are right now.
When the nervous system is chronically activated - as happens with ongoing financial stress, relationship breakdown, and a persistent sense of failure; it keeps the body in a state of threat. You are in a heightened state of flight, fight, fawn or freeze. When cortisol and adrenaline remain elevated it disrupts sleep, decision-making, immune function, and emotional regulation. Chronic stress causes measurable changes to the brain's prefrontal cortex. This is the region responsible for planning, impulse control, and executive decision-making. This is why the stuck feeling isn't just psychological - it has a biological basis as well.
The pattern you're in right now of avoidance, procrastination and distraction; is not a character flaw. It's a nervous system response to prolonged overwhelm. But left unaddressed, the research is clear: it compounds. The stress deepens. The costs of staying stuck are far reaching for your mental, physical and financial health; but also for your family and business- so it matters that you take some action forwards.
You don't have to solve everything today. But you do have to start……
What would it mean to let someone help you carry this?
We can help you. Using a range of techniques, we’ll work together to identify the core beliefs that are keeping you stuck. This will include discovering the stories you're telling yourself about what's possible, what you're capable of, what’s limiting you and whether it's too late.
Spoiler alert: it's not too late. But you need clarity, a strategy, and honest accountability - you need someone who will tell you the truth without judgement.
We rebuild from the inside out. Your thinking first. Your business strategy next. And then the relationships and self-respect that have taken a hit along the way.
"You're not lazy. You're stuck. There's a difference - and the way out begins with that distinction." — Nina Baxter, Big Day Coach
You've already proven you can build something great. Let's find out what you can rebuild.
Ready to take the first step? Let’s talk. Click the link below and book a free 45-minute call at www.bigdaycoach.co.nz
Blog: When Life Takes the Pen
There was a version of your life that looked very different from this one. A career you were proud of. A network of people who knew your name and valued what you brought. Energy. Momentum. A sense of where you were going.
Then illness changed the script. And not gradually but all at once, it took so much: your job, your financial stability, your community, your routine. Even your sense of self.
If you're living with chronic illness and feeling like the ground has been pulled out from under you, I want you to know something: this is one of the hardest positions a person can be in. And the fact that you're still here- still looking for a way forward, matters more than you know.
When you're exhausted, financially stretched, and feeling like a burden to the people around you, "thriving" can feel like a word that belongs to someone else's life. Basic daily tasks feel enormous. The isolation of having moved away from your support network adds another layer of grief.
And yet -even in this; there’s are parts of you who want more than just to get through the day. Parts that remember what it felt like to contribute, to connect, to matter, to dream, to feel your version of “normal”.
Those parts of you aren’t gone. They’re just waiting for the right support.
You’ve been through a lot- you’ve come across a lot of confronting information around your treatment plan and what your future may look like. You’ve developed an understanding of the cycle of chronic stress and chronic illness. You understand that the stress of illness increases physiological stress responses - which in turn worsens inflammation, immune dysfunction, and physical symptoms like fatigue. Breaking this cycle, even in small ways - has measurable physical health benefits.
For someone living with chronic illness, the evidence is clear: emotional support, social connection, and a sense of meaning and purpose are not just 'nice to have.' They are clinically significant. Research shows that social isolation accelerates health decline, while purpose and connection support recovery and resilience. You are a person whose been carrying a heavy load – and when you are ready- so are we.
I work with clients at the pace that works for them. No pressure. No overwhelming programmes. Just gentle, consistent support to help rebuild a sense of self-worth, structure, and possibility — within the very real constraints of health and energy.
Using Positive Psychology and Inner Child work, we find the small wins that start to shift the story from "I can't" to "I have." We work on reconnecting with what still makes life meaningful, and building — slowly, carefully — a foundation that holds.
This kind of coaching isn't about pretending everything is fine. It's about finding what's still true, still good, still possible — and building from there.
"You are not a burden. You are a person who has been carrying a very heavy load for a very long time. Let someone carry it with you for a while." — Nina Baxter, Big Day Coach
You deserve support that meets you exactly where you are. Not where you used to be. Right here, right now.
Ready to take the first step? Let’s talk. Click the link below and book a free 45-minute call at www.bigdaycoach.co.nz
Blog: You Built a Business. Now You Have to Lead One.
You're good at what you do. Really good. You built your reputation skill by skill, client by client, year by year. You know your industry inside out.
But somewhere between being brilliant at your craft and becoming the person responsible for a team, something shifted. Suddenly you're not just delivering great work - you're managing people, holding conversations you'd rather avoid, making decisions that affect others, and wondering quietly whether you have any idea what you're doing.
Welcome to accidental leadership. It's more common than you think and more fixable than it feels. Research shows us that:
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84% of entrepreneurs and small business owners have experienced imposter syndrome at some point in their careers. (Founder Reports / EcoCleanFM, 2024)
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37% of women who run their own businesses say feelings of self-doubt are actively preventing them from growing. (HSBC UK Research, 2025)
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72% of women have experienced imposter syndrome in the workplace - across industries and seniority levels. (Women in CX study, 2024)
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70% of female business owners report mental health concerns, and 41% report imposter syndrome as a current and ongoing challenge. (AHMI Health research)
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Imposter syndrome doesn't mean you're unqualified. It means you care about getting it right, and you haven't yet had anyone help you translate your existing strengths into a clear leadership identity. Patterns of chronic self-doubt, people-pleasing, and over-functioning create sustained physiological stress responses are commonly seen when a leader impacted by imposter syndrome.
The patterns that got you here - perfectionism, doing everything yourself, saying yes when you mean no, avoiding hard conversations were once survival strategies- often formed in childhood. They kept you safe. But as a leader, they're costing you time, energy, team performance, and peace of mind.
Nobody is born knowing how to lead. It's a skill, just like every other skill you've mastered. Confidence builds with competence.
Uncovering the reasons behind your behaviours using behavioural profiling, values elicitation, tribal cycle and inner child work can help to re-regulate the nervous system; lowering cortisol and adrenaline, which in turn reduces burnout, inflammation, immune dysregulation, hormone regulation and vulnerability to serious illnesses.
What would it mean to lead from a place of genuine confidence - not because you've eliminated self-doubt, but because you've stopped letting it make decisions for you?
This is where we can help…
I work with clients to build a leadership identity that is genuinely yours - not a performance, not a mask, but a grounded, confident way of showing up that your team can rely on and that you can sustain.
Using the Meta Dynamics™ Profiling Tool, we start by understanding how you naturally think and lead starting with your strengths and your blind spots. We can also profile your team leaders and staff- identifying where the friction is, what each person needs to perform at their best and how your team inter-relate.
Then we work on the practical stuff: having the hard conversations, building systems that don't depend on you doing everything, delegating without guilt, and developing a vision you can actually lead from.
"The leader you want to be isn't far from the leader you already are. You just need to upgrade your map." — Nina Baxter, Big Day Coach
You've already done the hard part — you built something. Now let's build you into the leader it deserves.
Ready to take the first step? Let’s talk. Click the link below and book a free 45-minute call at www.bigdaycoach.co.nz
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